Well, it's been yet, again, a long time since my last posting. A lot has happened since then: I finished my semester of school (all A's, in five classes) and we moved into a nicer home (with a fenced-in yard in a nice neighborhood). What's been most on my mind, despite all the business going on with unpacking boxes and taking care of four children, is my father. Losing someone you love (an immediate family member, specifically) is an experience like no other, like having a baby/children. People who don't have children won't ever really know what it's like, likewise, with losing a loved one. I think about my father every day and miss him so much, to say the least. When I think about it, it makes all the other piddly stuff that we worry about seem so meaningless. It reminds you what's most important in life and how superficial so much of the world is. It's helped me to prioritize my time and spend more quality time with my own children. It's made me think of the grander things in life, like our purpose, here on earth. As a Catholic, I know what the answer to that question is, it just makes it 'hit home' more.
Say your prayers for my father's soul and my mother. As much as I miss him, I'm sure my Mom misses him ten-fold.
There are two poems that my Mom got from St. Frances Cabrini Catholic Church. They are so beautiful I wanted to share them:
God looked around his garden
and he found an empty place,
and saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
he always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering,
he knew that you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
get well on earth again.
He saw that the road was getting rough
and the hills are hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids
and whispered "Peace be thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you
but you didn't go alone.
For you took our love with you
the day God called you home.
Author not listed
When tomorrow starts without me
When tomorrow starts without me
and I'm not there to see,
if the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name
and took me by the hand.
And said, my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly loved.
But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye
for all my life, I always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
and so much yet to do,
it almost seemed impossible
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I though of all the love we shared
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss all of you,
and maybe see you smile.
But then, I fully realized
that this could never be
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss tomorrow,
for as I thought of you, and when I did
my heart was filled with sorrow.
But as I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home,
as God looked down and smiled at me,
from his mighty golden throne
And said, "This is eternity,"
and all I promised you.
For today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrows,
for today will always last,
and since each day's the same way
there's no longing for the past.
You all have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true,
for there were times you did some things
you knew you shouldn't do.
But, you all have been forgiven,
and now at last I'm free,
so won't you come and take my hand
and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.